by Oliver Lewis on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:11am
Interesting point Philip. I hear what you’re saying.
Maybe a useful survival occupation—like a gardener or something…
In a futuristic America without electricity, a young gardener must rescue his brother from a lake of nuclear mist, risking his own life in the process.
Maybe a watchman… but that makes you think “Who goes?!!” type of thing. Too noisy.
by Aubrey Hansen on Thu Mar 29, 2012 4:19pm
*happily drops loglines on Jordan’s desk* I love getting your feedback on these things. ^^
This is one for the short script I wrote for Benjamin Dawson…
Title: My Dear Ralph
Genre: historical drama
Logline: Based on a story by O. Henry, a professional safe cracker finds his business challenged when he falls in love with the banker’s daughter.
And this is the result of some brainstorming-while-trying-to-fall-asleep. It’s never too early to write a logline, right?
Title: Contraband
Genre: dystopian thriller
Logline: In a world where births are regulated by the government, a prominent official is put on the run when he discovers his mother obtained him illegally.
by Jordan Smith on Thu Mar 29, 2012 5:13pm
Aubrey Hansen wrote:Title: My Dear Ralph
Genre: historical drama
Logline: Based on a story by O. Henry, a professional safe cracker finds his business challenged when he falls in love with the banker’s daughter.
Do you even need “Based on…”? Seems to me that it works without.
Title: Contraband
Genre: dystopian thriller
Logline: In a world where births are regulated by the government, a prominent official is put on the run when he discovers his mother obtained him illegally.
I’m not sure if I would mess with “in a world” just because it sounds like a cliché movie trailer… Otherwise, I think this works.
—
Jordan
by Aubrey Hansen on Thu Mar 29, 2012 5:57pm
Jordan Smith wrote:Aubrey Hansen wrote:Title: My Dear Ralph
Genre: historical drama
Logline: Based on a story by O. Henry, a professional safe cracker finds his business challenged when he falls in love with the banker’s daughter.Do you even need “Based on…”? Seems to me that it works without.
Title: Contraband
Genre: dystopian thriller
Logline: In a world where births are regulated by the government, a prominent official is put on the run when he discovers his mother obtained him illegally.I’m not sure if I would mess with “in a world” just because it sounds like a cliché movie trailer… Otherwise, I think this works.
I think the “Based on” phrase is optional… It’s a nice tidbit, but unnecessary, but you can cut it off the sentence without needing to rewrite it, so it’s totally flexible. 
You mean rephrase “in a world”? Because I think we need the part about births being regulated. Or is that not what you meant?
Thanks SO much!
by Jordan Smith on Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:28pm
Aubrey Hansen wrote:You mean rephrase “in a world”? Because I think we need the part about births being regulated. Or is that not what you meant?
Yeah, just those three words. You definitely need the rest.
—
Jordan
by Aubrey Hansen on Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:41pm
Jordan Smith wrote:Aubrey Hansen wrote:You mean rephrase “in a world”? Because I think we need the part about births being regulated. Or is that not what you meant?
Yeah, just those three words. You definitely need the rest.
How ‘bout “In a society”? Little less trailer-esque?
by Bradley Jamrozik on Fri Mar 30, 2012 11:15am
Title: The Journey of Brotherhood
Genre: Golden Fleece
Logline: A supercilious teenager must enter a two-week race with his adventurous younger brother to prove to his parents that he doesn’t need boot camp to grow up.
Thoughts? I’ve had a few scenes floating around and developing in my head for a while; I’m just trying to figure out a story so I can make them! 
(BTW Aubrey, I really like the script and logline for “Contraband”.)
